pardoned.net

For the last couple of days I’ve been getting pretty down about my whole job situation, deflecting most of the blame onto my circumstances, environment and others around me. As a follower of Jesus I’ve pretty much been a textbook hypocrite.
I’m a complainer, I complain about everything and everyone. That can’t be fun for the people around me, especially my manager.
I’m moody, and depending on my mood there’s no telling what kind of reaction you’ll get from me: sarcasm, frustration, cockiness, weeping. Honestly, it must be like being around a schizophrenic. There’s also a chance you may get every spectrum of emotion in one conversation… how does someone on the receiving end deal with that? The possibility of getting an emotional outburst must make others apprehensive to tell me things straight.
I’m insensitive to others.
I’m lazy and stubborn, I don’t take instruction well.
Worst of all I’m proud, I’m more likely to say that someone or something else is wrong or at fault for my woes than myself.
I’m a total and complete jerk and a horrible employee… if you see my resume on Monster, pass by!

Today my manager told me she was going to draft a letter to HR to put into my permanent record alleging that I have a trend of ‘falsifying documentation.’
Now me and my manager have never been on very good terms, within two weeks of her becoming my manager she had already told me to my face that she didn’t trust me. The exact words were something along the lines of, ‘We don’t have a trust relationship.’ More than six months later our relationship hasn’t advanced much past that first impression.
Before continuing I should make something clear, my trend of falsifying documentation is actually a technical expression for me telling my manager I did something that I didn’t do. To make matters worse, it was on a file that I had completed.
Last Wednesday when I had gone home for the day, this caller had gotten ahold of my manager and stated that I had not returned her call within four hours as my voice mail promised. This was true. But more to the point, this was a bitter, angry woman whom I had already told would have to wait patienty because the file could not progress until I had confirmed some information with another party.
My manager asked me if I had returned her message within the call back window, I said I had. What I didn’t know was that my manager had photocopied my call log showing that I hadn’t. [Textbook example of entrapment] Caught red handed… ‘Now how does this become a trend?’ You might ask. Well she linked it to a totally separate incident that occurred in February where I took a contact which I hadn’t rightfully gotten [A common practice at my workplace which others brag about. Unfortunately, if you’re doing it without experience as I had done you’re more likely to get caught.] One was lying, the other was cheating. I admitted I was wrong for both, but no less: not a trend.
Now I pride myself on neither being a liar or a cheater, but now my permanent record will reflect both of these aspects. Unfortunately for me these things stand out more than my awards won for customer service, or the praise received from my coworkers for above and beyond teamwork. My career within the company is ruined.
Luckily I was already looking for a new job, hopefully I’ll be able to quit before my manager finds enough ammunition to fire me!

It’s been a busy couple of days; a busy weekend is always better than a boring weekend. The church helped over a dozen members move this Saturday, which was exhausting, but the free burritos were some of the best food I’ve had in a while (the amount of effort made the food taste that much better). I have to say that I’m kind of Jealous of the apartments and condos that others are moving into, it seriously makes our apartment seem like a hole… a cozy hole, but a hole no less.
Today after church we had a church-wide BBQ at the park and I was in charge of one of the grills and responsible for nearly one hundred hamburgers… I’m writing this still steeped in the flavor… I should probably go take a shower and hit the sack.
I’m not ready to go to work tomorrow; I’ve got to mentally prepare myself for another Monday. Tomorrow I need to remember to call Arbitration Forums and postpone two arbitrations that I haven’t finished writing the contentions for. The materials are due on Tuesday, so I have to remember to extend them tomorrow or its no good!
Some of the guys and I are going to get together and have a job-searching party, order a pizza and try to search monster, etc. and help each other find ideal jobs. Wish us luck.

During lunch today I had an engaging conversation on a variety of topics ranging from conspiracy theories to problems in American education. No subject was safe. Somehow we got on the topic of sustainable energy and I went into a rant about how bleak the future was if we didn’t get a clear energy policy established soon. I realized that this was something I felt strongly about… strongly enough to take a step forward.
While reflecting on the conversation I realized that I had established in my mind what seemed to be an outline of a book… a good book… a title came to mind instantly! ‘Not Available at Wal-Mart: The Future of Energy Consumption in America.’
The title has a great dichotomy; firstly it implies that there isn’t a silver bullet, no single easy replacement for fossil fuel. Secondly it implies everything that is wrong with big business, globalization and exploitation. Namely it implies that the answer isn’t in supporting the status quo or the boardrooms where the decisions on our energy consumption are currently made. The interests of big business have nothing to do with what is best for the world.
So when I got back from lunch I spent ten dollars to register a domain name: NotAvailableAtWalmart.com. Along with that I signed up for Writely, the new online word processor that Google has been developing. The idea: Collaborate, Corroborate, Conflagrate! I want to make this more than a book writing process, I want this to be a community-involved manifesto. Work together to write it, back it up with scientific data and spread the word. Plus it might look good on my resume with the English dept at the UW, still no word back yet.

The good news is: I submitted my resume to the UW for an English advising position. Today the status changed, according to the employment webpage my resume has been forwarded to the department for review. That’s good news, and hopefully will be followed by a job offer.

The bad news is: I am more convinced than ever that the 12-inch powerbook that I’m typing this on is a lemon. Not only have I had to send it back to Apple two times to get things replaced (namely the motherboard and lcd) but now the battery has been recalled… where’s Ralph Nader! The website that Apple put up for the battery recall has been glitchy and uncooperative! I’ve been trying to submit my serial numbers all day with no luck. Obviously they didn’t anticipate that their customers would actually heed the recall after hearing so much about exploding dells!

After work I went on over to the Apple store here in Seattle hoping that they could maybe swap it out in shop. No go, it’s online only. The unkempt apple employee warmly assured me that I would have my new battery within 4 to 6 weeks. Considering that the Apple site says I should take out the battery and only use the computer with the AC Adapter, this means 4 to 6 weeks with no mobility! I showed frustration, the guy shrugged. I’m totally gonna switch to Ubuntu out of spite!

But on a positive note, as I returned home for the day I saw a package on my door step. I received my latest eBay treasure, a more complete set of Last Days Ministries Newsletters than I had previously owned. Combined with the ones I’ve already got its pretty close to complete. The only problem with this is that I have to keep buying nearly complete sets to fill in the few issues that I’m missing; I can imagine this might become expensive. Next Up: I’m selling Last Days Ministries Newsletters!